Emotional Regulation Curve

The main purpose of emotional regulation work is learning to let the emotion move through you, for it to run its natural course. There is often a fear of an emotion being too overwhelming or never ending, this beliefs leads to bottling up of emotions and denial which makes the reliese more severe and often unpredictable. When done more regularly, you learn that emotions are valuable messengers and you build up a natural resillience for tolerating and going through distress.

Below is a diagram of what the process of emotional release looks like.

Green

We start with a neutral state from which an emotion can “emerge” by a triggering event/thought/behaviour.

Yellow

This is the stage where an emotion comes up for the first time. It might not be too prominent yet. In this stage it might be enough to notice, and name the emotion.

You can use an Emotions Wheel to help you pin point the specific word to describe it.

You can give it a symbolic label like “storm cloud” or “brown” etc.

For some cases simply noticing and naming the emotion can be enough to feel validated. Or it might be all you can offer in the given moment and next steps would have to wait.

Orange

Once an emotion is named it often needs to be heard and understood. This is a time where your mind is filled with thoughts as it tries to navigate and understand the root of an emotion.

Writing this train of thought down, drawing it out, recording a voice memo, speaking to a trusted person, can all serve as ways to process what you are going through.

It is important to remember that there are no ‘bad’ emotions, they all serve a purpose in exposing a need you have. The orange phase is there to uncover what is causing you discomfort and what these needs are.

Red

Now it’s time to express the emotion. This is a bodily experience. No amount of thinking about the emotion will express it. You need to feel it go through and out of you.

So notice where this feeling is stored, what sensations it brings up, what it demands or quietly asks of you. What are you pulled to do.

This can look like crying, shouting, kicking a mattress, jumping, shaking, dancing, lying on the floor, laughing, squeeking, singing, tapping your chest, stomping your feet, hugging yourself etc.

Orange

Once an emotion is expressed new meaning or new understanding can come up and need processing. Repeat the Red-Orange stages as needed.

Blue

This is the natural fatigue that comes following a release of emotions. It’s a time when you might feel suddenly tired, distant, frazzled, cathartic, blissful. It is a time for soothing, care and gentleness. It is a time to thank your body for the insight it brought up.

This might be listening to calm music, wearing comfy warm clothes, sitting under a blanket, drinking and eating something, sitting or lying down, giving yourself a hug, saying grounding affirmations.

Stay compassionate to yourself, it might be disappointing to be fatigued even further after expressing an emotion when you were “fine” just before but this process is important and worth doing.

You will return to neutral soon.